i'm getting better at asking for what i want, rather than just hinting and hoping that somebody will figure it out. in fact, i'm becoming more aware of my emotions and motivations in general and therefore more able to respond appropriately to things, or rather, more able to understand why i'm acting the way i am and decide if that's the way i want to respond to the situation. yesterday i essentially refused to do the dishes when my mom asked me to, and for no apparent reason was really annoyed about having been asked to do them. afterwards i realized that i'd been frustrated at work because my coworker wasn't doing anything resembling her share of the work that had to be done, and as a result i wasn't able to be as confident as i usually am. we had complaints about the how long the food was taking, which is entirely out of my control, and that made it worse. i ended up feeling like i was doing more than i should have to in an effort to make everything run smoothly. i went from there to my second job, where i had missed an important meeting the day before, and where i'm in the process of preparing to leave, which is stressful in itself. there was traffic on the drive back, and when i got home my brother was watching a basketball game with my mom, who asked me to do the dishes, and i just didn't want to do one more thing that somebody else should have already done. not that understanding it makes me feel different, but at least i understand. today i was mopey and annoyed and unsatisfied, and then realized that i knew exactly what was wrong and exactly what would fix it. so i asked for those things from the people who could give them to me, and they did, and now i'm happy. horray.